The Great Escape

Duh?? But I thought... As the holiday season draws very near, this can mean special worries for those with Autism. Sometimes I think that the general belief can be that someone just hates the holidays in general because of their autism. This actually is not (necessarily) true. Depending on the person, we LOVE Christmas too!! We do! The problem is often that our levels of anxiety, and all things related to it, affect us in such a way that it can seem as though the opposite is true.

Sometimes the opposite IS true. Many of us dread Christmas and we simply don't like it. The endless family plans, changes in plans, last minute decisions, endless foods we are not used to, made by people we may not even know, the noise, music too loud, people screaming, or just talking too loud all at once. All this is a lot for our senses. I've not even gotten to the over-the-top noise that comes with opening presents, gifts that make loud noises or bright lights, people who've had too much to drink, and the endless gunshots and fireworks of new years eve. Yikes!!

Gee, the idea here is to have an enjoyable get-together to celebrate, right? What happened?? Expectations can run high, stress goes way up (for everyone), depression is common. What would I say to offer some relief.? I posted about this yesterday as well, but let's see...

As I say on this blog all the time, I am not a doctor. I cannot diagnose anything or look at it medically...this is all my personal opinion.

RECOVERY:

For autistic adults and children: I cannot emphasize enough, the importance of having what I like to call a Recovery Room. The Recovery Room is simply a quiet place where both adults and children can go to unwind when things just become too much. Usually, when someone needs the recovery room, they need it to themselves. So if you have the luxury of having more than one Recovery Room, this is a great thing, especially if there are multiple Autistics in the house. In my opinion, the most ideal situation, particularly for children, is when the holidays are in their home, and the family comes to visit them. This way, the child is still in familiar surroundings, and the Recovery Room is the comfort of their own bedroom. This makes it much easier for them to have access to all their favorite things and relax.
If you're visiting for the holidays, try to scope out a recovery place ahead of time, if possible; a bedroom, a den, but try to set up a "corner" where someone who needs it can withdraw and do their own thing. Sometimes this doesn't necessarily have to even be quiet...it can be just an area set apart...maybe someone wants to try out their new light saber! In this case, someone's back yard can be your greatest refuge!

Note: For autistic teens and adults, a common place of refuge can be a car (whether their own, or someone else's.) This can apply especially to cases where there is no Recovery Room. Alow them to take a drive, or just grab the keys, unlock your car and sit in the driveway for awhile. Most likely, they're not angry with anyone, they simply need some alone time. It is also wise, if at all possible, to have a "designated driver.". The designated driver is available to help those who do not drive make an escape when necessary. This can be a lifesaver for a teen or adult who does not drive and might be worrying about what do if the stress stress gets to be too much. Also, for children, sometimes the motion of the car, and playing their favorite music can help to settle them down.

Note: Parents with autism, if possible, try to designate a baby-sitter on Christmas eve and Christmas day, which usually would not be difficult with so much family around, right? Whether it's grandma, a cousin, sibling...try to "assign" someone else the job of watching your kids and taking things over if you are simply overwhelmed. This way, you can get a nap or go for a drive maybe, just to unwind a bit.

PRESENTS:

NT's, do not be offended if your autistic relative does not like your gift or does not know what to do with it. Unfortunately, our brains are wired to anticipate disaster. Gifts often mean pressure because...(what if we don't like it, or can't use it?). We know that there is this requirement put on us to show appreciation and be grateful...but what if we don't like it...what do we do? Always save receipts and tell us why you thought we might like it.
Please remember that this is not a personal attack on you. It's just the way we reason things out.

Some rules of thumb regarding presents:

1. Listen Beforehand: (This means before Christmas). When someone with autism really wants something, we WILL tell you about it! We might never stop talking about it in fact! Listen & write things down if you can...that way, when Christmas comes, you will be able to avoid putting us on the spot asking us what we want. Autistics feel pressure with this question because we want to please the one who's asking:

"What if it's too expensive?"
"What if they can't find the right one?"
"what if my request seems stupid or juvinille to them?"
"What if they think I don't need it? "
"What if they make fun of me behind my back?"

2. Cash is universal. Cash can often be your best bet because we are allowed to go and pick out what we want. This can also take pressure off the giver who has no earthly idea what you might like!

3. Tell them beforehand and let them pick it out themselves! This can be such a joy to someone who's autistic! They have complete control, they see exactly what they're getting AND (we) don't have to pay for it!! True, this does take away the element of surprise for the giver, but think of it this way: you will be raved about! Possibly for the entire year because of the unbridled joy you gave your autistic relative because they knew exactly what they were getting!

Note: For parents with autistic children... Always ask parents what they believe their children would like, or whether something would be appropriate for them. Often we purchase things we think the other person would love, especially for children. However this can unknowingly create unforeseen difficulties for parents as far as noise levels, parts that are too small, difficulty in putting it together, et.

Note: For parents who have autism: Bear in mind that gifts purchased for children of autistic parents, may just suddenly "disappear" or "go bye bye" because of things like I just mentioned; noise level, bright lights, parts that go EVERYWHERE...(remember light bright pegs?). It's important to try and think about whether a kid playing with this toy is going to create work or stress for their parents.

Note: For those with autism: If you have trouble appreciating the gift, then show your appreciation for the EFFORT. This is not dishonest. It's loving, and it helps the giver feel at ease.

FOOD:

Many folks with autism will only eat certain things. This is especially true for kids. Part of the anxiety of holidays is the dread of not wanting to eat or drink anything at the table. Try to plan ahead and be reassuring that plenty of that favorite food will be available for them. Do not be embarrassed if you need to buy extra frozen fries and chicken nuggets, for example. Keep this in mind particularly if someone has a sensitive stomach or digestive issues. Also, try to let all relatives know that it's nothing personal when their autistic relative does not care to try anything else. It can be very overwhelming and embarrassing for someone with autism, at the table with everyone talking, while they are asked to try all these foods that may have strange smells or textures....is something too hot or spicy, too salty or sweet?

On the other hand there are often certain foods that an autistic person adores...and looks forward to eating all year! As we know, often those who are autistic really do LOVE Christmas, and they want to be involved in the preparation. Tell them you can't wait to eat their famous (macaroni & cheese) for example, and suggest that they make it! This can give someone with autism a great sense of accomplishment!
For younger kids, find something you know they like and give them the option that they help you make it. Better still, ask if there's anything in particular they would like to eat at Christmas, and let them help you make it. :))

SWITCHER-ROO:

Family coming can often mean changes in rooms of the house. We must make room for our amazing Christmas tree, which often means, rearranging furniture, and boxes all over the living room. We might need to put a leaf in the dining room table, bring up different chairs, different dishes, and even a SPECIAL table for the kids. Consistency is very important, so when big changes need to be made in the house, always try to plan the day, and let your loved ones with autism know early. If need be, write it down somewhere so they have a reminder. The "switcher-roo process" can be a bit tricky depending on age and sensitivity. The day of bringing the tree home is universally exciting, I would say. EVERYONE wants to be there for that! But the process of preparing the room for this, can be quite different! For very young children, this might be a good time to let them spend the day at grandma's, or have someone take them out for the day. Then when they come home, show them the space that the tree will go...and they can anticipate it! But in the switcher-roo process, your Recovery Room(s) can also be most helpful. If adults and teens want to help in this process, try to assign their tasks ahead of time, or allow them to choose what they want to do.
Note: Family spending the night can be a special challenge, especially if the Recovery Rooms must be taken over for a while. If a person's Recovery Room must be altered or changed, try to make sure there is ample notice, so a different place for "alone time" can be arranged. If at all possible, don't allow another relative to sleep in the autistic's bed (unless of course they say it's okay).
The main thing is to always make sure that the autistic knows exactly what's happening, especially where personal space is concerned, so that there is not a feeling of betrayal or violation.

ATTENTION:

One thing that can make an autistic person feel secure during such a busy time can be to plan one thing to do that is especially for them alone. This can be done at home or going out...but the important thing is that they know you are reserving some time just for them. During the holidays, so much time & energy goes into changes that don't occur the rest of the year. Lot's of new information to compute, and in general it can make someone with autism feel very uneasy. Reserving one activity where you give all your attention just let's someone with autism know that you haven't forgotten about them.

QUIET!:

In my opinion, never underestimate the power of a good pair of headphones. This can be especially true on New Years Eve when the gunshots, and fireworks can seem endless. Go ahead and pay the extra money for the expensive headphones with better sound quality...they seem to block out loud noises better. I like to put together playlists that are just for relaxation, and then my mp3 player is my best friend. This dilemma can be especially challenging for young children. Let them know early that there will be a lot of noise, later in the evening, and assure them that you will be right there with them. If there are pets that must be kept inside, let your young children share in "protecting" the pets so that they know they're not the only ones with anxiety. Turn on their favorite music or movie, and just try to make them as comfortable a possible with different things to comfort them & keep them busy. Whatever works, be it weighted blankets, certain stuffed animals, a couch cushion fort in the living room, a sensory bin, a set of blocks.

So, as you can tell, the main thing here is alleviating anxiety and helping those with Autism cope during the holidays. Hopefully some of these things can help bring encouragement & let people enjoy themselves a bit. Merry Christmas & a happy new year!













So, as you can tell the goal