Buddy the Elf??

It occurred to me today that having AS or high functioning Autism might be described like being Buddy the Elf walking around New York City (minus the costume, of course). Okay, maybe this example is a bit extreme... But I think that's exactly my point. Buddy is just purely excited by everything, and wants everyone to be just as excited as he is. He has the best intentions in the world... But often annoys people because he doesn't understand social norms.

Christmas trees are amazing! But chopping a tree down in a public park is a fellany Our dad is so special to us, but we don't buy him something from the women's department because the rack says "For That Special Someone.". We certainly would never refer to a dwarf, or a little person as an elf. In reality, this is a horrible insult. But in Buddy's world, very short people are elves! No offense... Just simple truth! A truth Buddy understands, but no one else has experienced. At least, not in that way! :). I think the best thing about being blessed with an Autistic mind, can be the ability to take very complex things and make them simple. An example would be when Buddy tells Jovie that he likes her. Wouldn't it be the greatest thing in the world if every guy just said: "I feel really warm when I am around you."? Well, it would be if everyone understood it the way that Buddy meant it. Isn't this exactly the way we feel when we're in love? (Like we're warmed up from the inside?) Isn't this the most perfect way of explaining it? Yes!

But there's a big problem, of course. Should any guy actually say this to a girl? Well...let's examine this a little. (you're thinking "WHAT??" right?). If this girl were ME, and I were friend's first with a cute guy, I would adore it, if he said this to me as a way of saying "I like you.". This is because I love the movie "Elf" and I would understand that (movie) line. :). I think this would be cute and wonderful, and part of getting to know what this girl (me) likes as a person.

But obviously, as a general rule, you would never say this to anyone you barely know, because it isn't appropriate...it would creep them out. It's also inappropriate to, say, drop your pants right in front of people, but this is what Buddy does! (Hey, he had to, his dad said "lose the tights," right?). :). Okay, okay... I'm being silly, and this is exaggerated, but I still believe there's a point here. By the way, if a sign said "Peep Show,". why wouldn't it be that we can see the presents before Christmas?? :). Okay... that does mean something WAY different! But I enjoy Buddy's meaning a lot more, don't you? It's fun, it's literal, it's for the best reason, and it's a picture of childlike excitement. How wonderful! But of course, it's not TRUE.

That's the thing. The real truth is that we use a lot of what are called expressions... because we don't express ourselves very well. We explain the way that things are by saying what they are not. I'm talking abbot neuro typicals now, not those with AS or HFA. The expression "Peep Show" SHOULD NOT mean what it means...but it does. This is what I'm talking about. Thanks to things that we "imply" and something called "connotation," and "innuendo," neuro typicals are usually saying things that they don't mean, because for whatever reason, what they really mean must be hidden or changed. Why? Many times I think it's because maybe what they are saying does not need to be said. :). The term "Peep Show," stupid as that is, suggests a whole world of inappropriate things that don't even need to be brought up. So, we say a bunch of crazy things that don't make any sense in order to mean a bunch of things we can't really say because they are not appropriate. This, ladies and gentleman is called... being an adult (!!!)

Those of you with AS or HFA; if you're confused...it's no wonder! That IS confusing!! Isn't it? It's also ridiculous and stupid! (I mean let's be honest.) But THAT is, unfortunately, the way the world (doesn't) work. :) The truth is, neuro typicals are confused about those things too (they really are!). They just have the cliche's and the innuendos and the body language to make it LOOK like they're not. :). Now sometimes, what we say needs to be cliche'd or put another way, because put too bluntly will hurt someone, or really embarrass them. This is unkind, of course; but what's also unkind is using cliche's and innuendoes to explain what you mean so that certain others are excluded from the meaning. This also happens A LOT. When it does... You're not at fault. This is not written to put anyone down or anything. It's just my personal belief that sometimes neuro typicals are more socially backwards than we think.

Now, I do believe that help with socialization is very important particularly for those with AS or Autism. Women with AS, even more specifically can benefit from some life coaching because they can be much better at "masking" their AS characteristics than guys (typically) and after a while, we can mask them from ourselves too. :). My point is, I think that sometimes, we put a great deal of effort into "mastering" the way that neuro typicals think and what they say and how they view the world. My feeling is...set your own example. Walk at your own pace (whenever you can). This is not an easy thing. We have to be very brave because the neuro typical world will make fun of us, and they will get fed up with us, because they think we don't understand. But not everyone will feel this way. :). When people have an interest in you, they will slow down to see what you're about. We don't need to worry so much about figuring out how to be like someone else. We may not feel "fine" just the way we are... But I'd bet money, that might be because we're better, and we don't yet realize it.
As Shakespeare put it: "To thyne own self be true." :)