Mixed Messages

I've heard that exclusivity with guys is not the big deal that it can be with us girls.. Apparently girls often make the mistake of thinking that guys want them and only them... Forever; when in truth, the guy is often just on a "wait and see" basis, figuring that if his current girlfriend doesn't work out... he'll find another one. Often, guys won't even have romantic intentions with a girl, but they will do things (unknowingly) make girls believe that there's an attachment there.

I wanna say, guys... Tell her. If you don't have any romantic intentions with her, tell her-- especially if giving your phone number is involved! This is generally the most obvious evidence that you ARE interested in her. You gave her your number, you want her to call you right? Duh! Only, in this case it wasn't that way at all. If you do have intentions with her... Tell her! Hang around her for a while so you guys can form a friendship (first). This way, she won't feel like you're only trying to pick up on her.

I really do believe that women (no matter how they act) really do want the guy to be the one to make the first move. They want him to lead. They want him to be in control so that they feel safe. They want a man... Not a little boy. But our society makes men feminine and women masculine. Our society teaches that women have to do it all because men are idiots who can't do anything right. And I think more and more men have believed the lie. In my opinion, men seem to step aside and "wait" for women to handle everything because they are by nature, into their own agendas, and letting women handle everything allows them to stay there, and also because, this way, they get to avoid failure. But there is no "conquering" in this... No victory. A bizarre and frustrating result to this, is that women are often forced to take a leadership position that they were not meant for. I've known men who were so afraid of failure that they would not make the first move even when they needed to. In my opinion, women can sense this, and it becomes incredibly tough for us to back up and wait because we want to "fix" the situation. (Bad idea). If women chase after men... They'll run. The better man they are, the faster they'll run. But women, on the other hand often have tremendous power that they don't use correctly.

It was once explained to me, that a man will "move out of the way" for a woman so that she can have what she wants and needs. This is a big part of the way that he "lays down his life" for her. But many times, this is all mistaken for lack of interest, or "he doesn't like me, he doesn't love me"-- that kind of thing. I'm still not sure, how a girl tells the difference between him giving her freedom, and really being not that in to her. For that matter, how long does a girl wait for a guy to show an interest in her, before she realizes that he won't? I'm not sure. I for one have a deep desire to know the right guy. The last thing I wanna do is be presumptuous and push him away. But like I wrote one day, "I've seen it happen in my life, where I will back up and get out of the way so that a guy can "come into my space" and make a move, and no such thing ever happened. It's my opinion that the guy thought that I didn't like him or he never liked me to begin with. Keep in mind, when I'm talking about me backing up... There was no relationship there... Only the hope of one. When I talk about a guy "moving out of her way," that's after a relationship has been established and he knows that's a risk he wants to take with her. :)

At times, there is a deep sense of loneliness when we wait patiently for the right one and they never show. This is a frustrating thing, which I will talk much more about in a separate entry. Until then, I recommend the CD series "The Attractive Christian Woman.". by Nancy Liegh DeMoss (Revive Our Hearts.). This explains so much about ladies and gentleman, and how (we) are different from each other... But how those differences are designed to compliment... Not to divide us. BTW...Guys, don't let the title turn you off... There's a lot in there for you as well. I love this series because it talks about how we encourage kids to grow up too quickly, and how this confuses the whole relationship process when someone is an adult. PS... Get ready to delve into scripture because this is the basis or foundation used for what is talked about :). Anyway, until next time...