From the Heart! :)

I was looking back through my searches and found the book "22 Things A Woman Should Know If She Loves A Man With Asperger's Syndrome.". Well, of course I've looked this book up many times, but I did another Google search on it. Anyway, the Amazon description says that a relationship with a guy with AS can be difficult, but not impossible. A relationship with ANYONE can be difficult, but not impossible. So what does that mean?

I've done a lot of searches on how AS affects temperament in both men and women. What breaks my heart is that all of these seemed to try and teach a person what to look out for. Now, this can be a good thing, just FYI... But basing relationships on things we need to try and prevent, or stay away from, or look out for usually doesn't help people become closer. Now thank God for people's genuine efforts... This is wonderful. But each piece of fear and negativity can frighten us, and just make us feel we need to step back. This is okay for a time.... But relationships need to grow together... Not apart, would you agree?

So, let's accentuate the positive, shall we?

Now, keep in mind, this is all my opinion. I won't speak using other sources... Just from my own heart. People with AS are loyal to their very core, and it's very important to them that they show it because they have (usually) an insatiable need for others approval. This can be the best possible thing when it comes to relationships because when they love you, it means more than anything to them to win your approval. So, I'll just be blatantly honest here. These are very simple, but most of the time our society thinks them insensitive, unnecessary and "not taking care of my needs.".

1. You gotta let him think it's his idea

Don't worry, this isn't insulting it's just true. He needs to be your hero, but sometimes he has no idea how to go about doing that. So always think the best of him, especially when it's hard. This helps to ease tension. Find something that you know he would love and point it out to him.when you speak to him, take something that you know you wanna do and try to present it in a way that's attractive to HIM. Ladies, there definitely is an art to this, and we women are the only creatures on earth who have the power to do it. It isn't dishonesty, it's being smart enough to try and help things work out for the both of you. This is not easy, but there is something very refreshing & attractive about it.

2. Praise him to the skies.

Yes... especially in front of others. Come on, you already think he's wonderful, right? So point it out!... Wherever possible, whenever possible, point it out! If you need to, make lists of things you're proud of him for (sure, why not?). It's not weakness... It's wonderful that his accomplishments mean so much to you. (Don't carry the list around and say "honey, look what I remembered about you"... That ruins the whole thing. (if that last sentence sounded odd to you, just remember that people with AS are very literal) :)

3. Always try to give him warning.

Tell him you have something to tell him or ask him, and ask if now is a good time. Always be gentle. This is one of those incredibly simple things that we think goes without even being said ("Duh!," right?) but it's easy to forget :) Sometimes it helps to leave him a note. You wanna be strong on the inside so you can be soft on the outside. Most of what I've read seems to try to teach women to sharpen their defenses to make them strong on the outside in order to protect themselves on the inside. This seems to just leave us angry and frustrated... And him too. :)

Now, there's more I'd like to get into, but I think I'll save that for another entry. Now that I've given my opinion, I will give 2 sources: Rori Raye ( she's on Google & You Tube) and Proverbs 31 :)

Take care everybody!

PS...I've never read Rudy Simone's book, although I would love to! :)