Stonewalling

Duh?? But I thought...

Sometimes we're not easy to talk to. We become suddenly upset, and those around us are left perplexed because they have no idea what's wrong.

All I can say is, sometimes we feel paralyzed with a sense of awkwardness, and a fear that we've done something wrong. Even worse...a fear that needing certain things makes us childish or stupid. We also get quite angry with ourselves, because often little things (or even big things) that seem like they are no big deal to others...can be quite frightening or upsetting to us. WHY? (we wonder). We know we drive ourselves crazy, so we figure we must drive others crazy too. Sometimes we REALLY need help with the littlest of things because we don't remember how to do them or we're scared to death. An example for me would be driving. Driving scares the daylights outta me. I'm always afraid I'm going to cause an accident and kill myself or someone else (okay, there it is). I CAN drive...I've done it before. And maybe, just like other people, practice makes perfect. I would get better with time. They say it takes about six months or so (I would say a year) to become really good at it. Well, in my mind, this leaves room for a lot of error! But when you drive, there's very little room for error...that's how accidents happen. So how is it that when you go to a school for driver training, they expect you to be finished with it in around...3 DAYS?? Are you kidding me??

Sometimes, I can't even walk in a straight line, but after 3 times, you're going to put me on the freeway going 70 miles an hour, with hundreds of other cars?? Granted, many people do this just fine...no problem. But for me, I don't know that it's such a good idea. The thing is...what if I tried again...and I succeeded? Most of the time I won't even study the BOOK to try and take the TEST again. I was in college for a long time, I KNOW how to study and memorize and take tests! I could at least do that? Yes. But I don't. Because what if I don't pass the vision test? I really need new glasses, I can't really afford them...so I probably WOULD fail the vision test. What if nobody trusts me enough to go in the car with me, so I can learn? (I ran into this snag before). What if their insurance doesn't even cover me driving the car? What if I can't stop drifting into the other lane like I did before? What if I'm on a residential street and literally don't know where my side of the road IS??

Welcome to the world of Autism...internal worry and anxiety that threatens to swallow us up...all the time. On the inside is an endless string of questions that never stops coming. Try as we might, it never stops coming, and there is NO "OFF" button. So, we're constantly overwhelmed, and fighting back the current of internal chaos...trying desperately to grab onto something that makes us not need other people so much. This is confusing when someone is a believer and they know that G-d has put certain "needs" in their life for certain reasons. How does one embrace that when they struggle with feeling like a burden to others? How does one find security when (even as adults) they need other adults almost like a child needs a parent to help them? This feels awful at times. To add to the frustration, sometimes what we need is not much but it still requires the patience of someone else...someone else who is often too busy. For instance, with driving...it's possible that all I need are very little things: someone to drive me to the DMV to get the book. (again). Someone to sit and go over it with me a little each day...so the overwhelming urge to just quit (because this won't work) doesn't just swallow me up. I can do this myself, sure, but it becomes too easy to just ditch it if I'm left completely to myself (believe me, there's an element of laziness involved here too). But coupled with a need to just escape, because I can't stand the thought of failing again (the fact that everything's online is great, but the thing is, the way I waste time doing unproductive stuff online, it's actually more of a temptation to waste time than anything else; couple this with a fear of failing and a fear of being weak...and believe me...I'm back on Facebook again in ten minutes! Sound like I need to grow up? Yes, I know...that's my whole point.

So, the driving thing is just an example. But my point is, that all of this creates an "undercurrent" on the inside. It's an undercurrent of fear and uncertainty that we dearly wish we could stop. But there is no "off" button. My dear friends, THIS is what causes things like panic attacks, knee-jerk reactions, meltdowns, and finally, stonewalling, where we disappear into our room for two or three days and don't talk to anyone. The irony is...this is often when we need someone the most to knock on our door and ask if we need to talk, or ask if we'd like to go to Starbucks. It's time we need the biggest hug in the world. It's the time we need a shoulder to cry on. But we've shut everybody out, usually with our unkind words, tone of voice, yelling, or an outburst that seemed to come out of nowhere. Usually, we stonewall, because, we know what we've done...we know it was wrong...and we know you're probably mad as Hell at us. Our emotions hit us from the inside like Lightening bolts & our precious loved ones are like "I'm not EVEN going near you...forget it!"

Almost, like a puppy with it's tail between it's legs, we need someone to say "I know you didn't mean it.". It's not easy any way you look at it. Often, someone has a perfect right to angry with us...and we know it. But it's then that we need them to not be angry the most. Where it gets rougher, is that we often expect those around us to just not even say a word about whatever we did. Often they need to...because maybe what we did or said left them feeling "flattened" like a pancake. We know this isn't fair. Many times, we are literally more sorry than we can say. (Which is why you may not ever hear an apology). It's okay to say to us later, after we've calmed down: "I really don't understand what happened the other day," or something. Don't be surprised if we break down and cry when we try to explain it...accompanied with a lingering fear that you might think we're over-acting or just hamming it up. Often, we're not at all.

You might be thinking: "So ASK if you need something." (I'll switch things over to me now). I should. You're right. Often, the fear that I will regret it (somehow) is overwhelming. What if this person doesn't have time? What if they do it anyway, because they feel bad, but really they don't want to? What if they are mad at me for something & don't want to even talk to me?? The questions go on and on. So, those who are autistic sometimes just have to trust that (our) dilemma's are not that uncommon, and that it's OK to ask...people really don't mind. But what to do to stop the endless torrent of "analyzing things to death," when we're scared and we just need to face something? I suppose it's like that old Nike slogan: Just do it. If just this thought overwhelms you, I empathize completely. How do we stop being so sensitive if we're wired that way? So sorry about all the insensitivity that comes with it.

Random Thoughts of an Autistic Femaile....

Duh?? But I thought...

I hate the term "Aspie" ... Sounds like a bad smelling ointment we have to put on a sore we can't get rid of.
Why do cats have sandpaper tongues? I suppose G-d made them that way...otherwise how would they take a bath? But mine licks me...all the time. Who ever heard of a licking cat? Is she part dog? I just call her cat-dog, that evens it all out. Why are the freaking TV commercials like four times louder than the show? Doesn't that just get people to leave the room quicker? Sometimes I hate Janis Joplin's voice...speaking of sandpaper. I've lied about that my whole life. I have. I think Janis Joplin was a woman in her twenties who sounded like a smoker who was in her sixties. This my friends, is why she was perfect (damn, I asked for chips & forgot all about salsa) at singing the blues. Life had taken it's toll on her...and it didn't sound too good. Maybe it wasn't supposed to. But she resonated with somebody...including me. I love "Summertime" and "Bobby McGee.". I hate her voice, but I love a couple of her songs?...yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Hell, you're weird, you know that? Yep, always have been. I pride myself on being so damn weird...and loving it...but sometimes I really hate it. I REALLY hate it. I want to be normal and pure and right and good and upstanding and all those things that in my idealistic mind, feel so good...until I realize how much they have eluded me. I hate thinking that the only way to get through life is to just be negative by default. I'd cuss about this too, but saying those things only makes you weak, not strong. I am a GOOD girl, dammit, I am, I am! And I like it that way! But when does being a "good girl" get so screwy?...I mean...I'm the most cynical person I know. Suspicious. Good Lord...suspicious of EVERYTHING!! What do you really mean? What are you REALLY trying to say? Come on, I know I musta missed something! I knew I shoulda taken some headache medicine this morning...now I've got one. Is it any wonder? You ever shut up, for crying out loud? "But honey, keepin you's the hard part, isn't it?". That's what she said, in the Rose...and I think she was right. If my thoughts were like water I could solve our drought problems for 20 years. Sometimes I meet somebody, and I think I'll just love them forever and ever...which is wonderful...but stupid...you idiot! You don't KNOW them! You don't know anything about them! Damn, anybody got any Rocky Road? This typing is starting to look like one long Torah scroll...except that a Torah scroll doesn't even have punctuation. So, how do you remember where anything is? No chapters, no verses...how do you keep track? I suppose this is what Torah portions are for...this is the "part" for today. Dude, you think you're going crazy? I'm the one who can't shut it off. No wonder I always wanna sleep at odd hours...I can't get my brain to shut up!!

The Great Escape

Duh?? But I thought... As the holiday season draws very near, this can mean special worries for those with Autism. Sometimes I think that the general belief can be that someone just hates the holidays in general because of their autism. This actually is not (necessarily) true. Depending on the person, we LOVE Christmas too!! We do! The problem is often that our levels of anxiety, and all things related to it, affect us in such a way that it can seem as though the opposite is true.

Sometimes the opposite IS true. Many of us dread Christmas and we simply don't like it. The endless family plans, changes in plans, last minute decisions, endless foods we are not used to, made by people we may not even know, the noise, music too loud, people screaming, or just talking too loud all at once. All this is a lot for our senses. I've not even gotten to the over-the-top noise that comes with opening presents, gifts that make loud noises or bright lights, people who've had too much to drink, and the endless gunshots and fireworks of new years eve. Yikes!!

Gee, the idea here is to have an enjoyable get-together to celebrate, right? What happened?? Expectations can run high, stress goes way up (for everyone), depression is common. What would I say to offer some relief.? I posted about this yesterday as well, but let's see...

As I say on this blog all the time, I am not a doctor. I cannot diagnose anything or look at it medically...this is all my personal opinion.

RECOVERY:

For autistic adults and children: I cannot emphasize enough, the importance of having what I like to call a Recovery Room. The Recovery Room is simply a quiet place where both adults and children can go to unwind when things just become too much. Usually, when someone needs the recovery room, they need it to themselves. So if you have the luxury of having more than one Recovery Room, this is a great thing, especially if there are multiple Autistics in the house. In my opinion, the most ideal situation, particularly for children, is when the holidays are in their home, and the family comes to visit them. This way, the child is still in familiar surroundings, and the Recovery Room is the comfort of their own bedroom. This makes it much easier for them to have access to all their favorite things and relax.
If you're visiting for the holidays, try to scope out a recovery place ahead of time, if possible; a bedroom, a den, but try to set up a "corner" where someone who needs it can withdraw and do their own thing. Sometimes this doesn't necessarily have to even be quiet...it can be just an area set apart...maybe someone wants to try out their new light saber! In this case, someone's back yard can be your greatest refuge!

Note: For autistic teens and adults, a common place of refuge can be a car (whether their own, or someone else's.) This can apply especially to cases where there is no Recovery Room. Alow them to take a drive, or just grab the keys, unlock your car and sit in the driveway for awhile. Most likely, they're not angry with anyone, they simply need some alone time. It is also wise, if at all possible, to have a "designated driver.". The designated driver is available to help those who do not drive make an escape when necessary. This can be a lifesaver for a teen or adult who does not drive and might be worrying about what do if the stress stress gets to be too much. Also, for children, sometimes the motion of the car, and playing their favorite music can help to settle them down.

Note: Parents with autism, if possible, try to designate a baby-sitter on Christmas eve and Christmas day, which usually would not be difficult with so much family around, right? Whether it's grandma, a cousin, sibling...try to "assign" someone else the job of watching your kids and taking things over if you are simply overwhelmed. This way, you can get a nap or go for a drive maybe, just to unwind a bit.

PRESENTS:

NT's, do not be offended if your autistic relative does not like your gift or does not know what to do with it. Unfortunately, our brains are wired to anticipate disaster. Gifts often mean pressure because...(what if we don't like it, or can't use it?). We know that there is this requirement put on us to show appreciation and be grateful...but what if we don't like it...what do we do? Always save receipts and tell us why you thought we might like it.
Please remember that this is not a personal attack on you. It's just the way we reason things out.

Some rules of thumb regarding presents:

1. Listen Beforehand: (This means before Christmas). When someone with autism really wants something, we WILL tell you about it! We might never stop talking about it in fact! Listen & write things down if you can...that way, when Christmas comes, you will be able to avoid putting us on the spot asking us what we want. Autistics feel pressure with this question because we want to please the one who's asking:

"What if it's too expensive?"
"What if they can't find the right one?"
"what if my request seems stupid or juvinille to them?"
"What if they think I don't need it? "
"What if they make fun of me behind my back?"

2. Cash is universal. Cash can often be your best bet because we are allowed to go and pick out what we want. This can also take pressure off the giver who has no earthly idea what you might like!

3. Tell them beforehand and let them pick it out themselves! This can be such a joy to someone who's autistic! They have complete control, they see exactly what they're getting AND (we) don't have to pay for it!! True, this does take away the element of surprise for the giver, but think of it this way: you will be raved about! Possibly for the entire year because of the unbridled joy you gave your autistic relative because they knew exactly what they were getting!

Note: For parents with autistic children... Always ask parents what they believe their children would like, or whether something would be appropriate for them. Often we purchase things we think the other person would love, especially for children. However this can unknowingly create unforeseen difficulties for parents as far as noise levels, parts that are too small, difficulty in putting it together, et.

Note: For parents who have autism: Bear in mind that gifts purchased for children of autistic parents, may just suddenly "disappear" or "go bye bye" because of things like I just mentioned; noise level, bright lights, parts that go EVERYWHERE...(remember light bright pegs?). It's important to try and think about whether a kid playing with this toy is going to create work or stress for their parents.

Note: For those with autism: If you have trouble appreciating the gift, then show your appreciation for the EFFORT. This is not dishonest. It's loving, and it helps the giver feel at ease.

FOOD:

Many folks with autism will only eat certain things. This is especially true for kids. Part of the anxiety of holidays is the dread of not wanting to eat or drink anything at the table. Try to plan ahead and be reassuring that plenty of that favorite food will be available for them. Do not be embarrassed if you need to buy extra frozen fries and chicken nuggets, for example. Keep this in mind particularly if someone has a sensitive stomach or digestive issues. Also, try to let all relatives know that it's nothing personal when their autistic relative does not care to try anything else. It can be very overwhelming and embarrassing for someone with autism, at the table with everyone talking, while they are asked to try all these foods that may have strange smells or textures....is something too hot or spicy, too salty or sweet?

On the other hand there are often certain foods that an autistic person adores...and looks forward to eating all year! As we know, often those who are autistic really do LOVE Christmas, and they want to be involved in the preparation. Tell them you can't wait to eat their famous (macaroni & cheese) for example, and suggest that they make it! This can give someone with autism a great sense of accomplishment!
For younger kids, find something you know they like and give them the option that they help you make it. Better still, ask if there's anything in particular they would like to eat at Christmas, and let them help you make it. :))

SWITCHER-ROO:

Family coming can often mean changes in rooms of the house. We must make room for our amazing Christmas tree, which often means, rearranging furniture, and boxes all over the living room. We might need to put a leaf in the dining room table, bring up different chairs, different dishes, and even a SPECIAL table for the kids. Consistency is very important, so when big changes need to be made in the house, always try to plan the day, and let your loved ones with autism know early. If need be, write it down somewhere so they have a reminder. The "switcher-roo process" can be a bit tricky depending on age and sensitivity. The day of bringing the tree home is universally exciting, I would say. EVERYONE wants to be there for that! But the process of preparing the room for this, can be quite different! For very young children, this might be a good time to let them spend the day at grandma's, or have someone take them out for the day. Then when they come home, show them the space that the tree will go...and they can anticipate it! But in the switcher-roo process, your Recovery Room(s) can also be most helpful. If adults and teens want to help in this process, try to assign their tasks ahead of time, or allow them to choose what they want to do.
Note: Family spending the night can be a special challenge, especially if the Recovery Rooms must be taken over for a while. If a person's Recovery Room must be altered or changed, try to make sure there is ample notice, so a different place for "alone time" can be arranged. If at all possible, don't allow another relative to sleep in the autistic's bed (unless of course they say it's okay).
The main thing is to always make sure that the autistic knows exactly what's happening, especially where personal space is concerned, so that there is not a feeling of betrayal or violation.

ATTENTION:

One thing that can make an autistic person feel secure during such a busy time can be to plan one thing to do that is especially for them alone. This can be done at home or going out...but the important thing is that they know you are reserving some time just for them. During the holidays, so much time & energy goes into changes that don't occur the rest of the year. Lot's of new information to compute, and in general it can make someone with autism feel very uneasy. Reserving one activity where you give all your attention just let's someone with autism know that you haven't forgotten about them.

QUIET!:

In my opinion, never underestimate the power of a good pair of headphones. This can be especially true on New Years Eve when the gunshots, and fireworks can seem endless. Go ahead and pay the extra money for the expensive headphones with better sound quality...they seem to block out loud noises better. I like to put together playlists that are just for relaxation, and then my mp3 player is my best friend. This dilemma can be especially challenging for young children. Let them know early that there will be a lot of noise, later in the evening, and assure them that you will be right there with them. If there are pets that must be kept inside, let your young children share in "protecting" the pets so that they know they're not the only ones with anxiety. Turn on their favorite music or movie, and just try to make them as comfortable a possible with different things to comfort them & keep them busy. Whatever works, be it weighted blankets, certain stuffed animals, a couch cushion fort in the living room, a sensory bin, a set of blocks.

So, as you can tell, the main thing here is alleviating anxiety and helping those with Autism cope during the holidays. Hopefully some of these things can help bring encouragement & let people enjoy themselves a bit. Merry Christmas & a happy new year!













So, as you can tell the goal

Rules of Thumb. For Aspie's...

Duh?? But I thought...

Just to clarify: These are for the Autistic to keep in mind.
The idea here is not to take these to all your NT friends and family and go,
"Okay, if you would only do this."

I don't know why they are called "rules of thumb" but that isn't important.

1. Would I want THAT said about ME? No? Okay then.
2. Did I SAY something that probably WOULD piss other people off? Yes? Okay then.
3. Is it okay to get a "Do Not Disturb" sign? Well, do you not want to be disturbed?
4. Quite possibly the three most important words ever: "That's too loud.". You think? Okay, lower your voice.
5. When you put A LOT of effort into something, do you like it when all you get is complaints? No? Really?
6. Does unnecessary information annoy you? Yes? Okay then.
7. Do I really need someone to let ME off the hook when I mess up? Yes? Sometimes without so much as an apology? Well, there ya go.
8. Don't you hate it when the person you're watching TV with keeps telling you what happens next? Yeah?
9. Do I hate it when people cut me off and finish my sentences for me? (Od course...my favorite thing is to give out information!)
10. Do you hate it when you're rushed, and can't have your turn at something? (Because your friend wants to say something now).
11. Does this list seem sarcastic and a bit...unkind? Really? I hadn't noticed...
12. Do you hate the excuses people use for not doing the right thing? Of course. Okay then. Behave yourself.

WORSE?? HOW CAN THEY GET ANY WORSE???

Duh?? But I thought...

Have been kicking myself for having a meltdown both last night and today. During a meltdown, I seem to want to make others feel just as out of control as I do. But afterwards, I feel just as bad and angry with myself for being so...mean, so immature, so ridiculous, so...out of control. I kick myself for not being an adult. Adulthood...the "destination" I seem to have fought so hard to get to...even though, it's a journey...and EVERYONE goes backwards sometimes. (Hey, that pile of stuffed animals on my bed is not going anywhere!!) :)). I'm very very blessed to have a supportive family who is very patient with me.

Oh! The kicking myself after a meltdown is crazy; sometimes I wonder if I've gotten so used to this "emotional roller coaster" that I create it. It's sort of like being in the car, at the top of the hill, and you're right on the edge... I can see the track out in front of me, but the coaster is stuck up there. What am I supposed to do...just SIT here!!! I've found myself trying to explain what that whole process feels like. The extreme enthusiasm at anticipating something you're excited for...waiting for it...hoping for it...planing for it, relishing it, loving it, maybe even tasting it in your mouth, counting down the minutes until it comes. Maybe knowing that you have some time RELAX...which is wonderful, because you really need it...

All this followed by...what I explained just now. The roller coaster, the changed plan, the hope deferred, the adjustment that suddenly has to be adjusted to! The emotional plummet downhill. HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN??? (AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!). It's like fireworks that are supposed to go POP...but they only smolder and smoke...(guess this one is a dud?). Then all of the sudden, when you least expect it... BOOM!!! But later there's a much worse feeling of drop...it's the sheer embarrassment that follows the childlike temper tantrum. It's the feeling that whomever was around when the coaster came down the hill at full speed has every right to just kill you...and you're just praying that they won't!! It's like a little kid thinking "Please don't be mad at me!"

So being that it's the Christmas season again, we've put on "Christmas Vacation" a couple times. And tonight, it hit me... It's like being Clark Griswold. The up and down roller coaster of Asperger's Syndrome is like being Clark Griswold. Now, this does not mean that you'll have 25,000 twinkle lights on your house...but you might WANT to. (Come on...admit it...come on!). No seriously...I'm talking about the anticipation inside and the way it builds...and builds and builds...

"It's just that I know how you build things up in your mind sparky. You set standards that no family event can ever live up to."
"When have I ever done that?"
"Parties, weddings, anniversaries, funerals, holidays, vacations, graduations..."

In English, when get excited about something, we get VERY excited about it. We see the way we really want things to go, and often take on way too much at once, with stars in our eyes because we're dreaming about how wonderful it's going to be. Then when we've taken on too much, we "go outside for the season" because there's often too much chaos. So, mentally, we want to climb up on the roof and put up Christmas lights for hours...even if it means we freeze to death, because, at least up there...it's quiet! We now require the rest of our family to sort of "take over" a situation that we started... We built it up in our mind, we anticipated it...and the thought of it taking place kept us going...sorta, "got us high," emotionally. But then...we actually have to DO all this...We have to dig the tree out of the ground, that is so huge, it won't fit in our yard, but WE want to fit it in our living room instead. We have to have way too many people in the house...in spite of our family's objections, and then we spend hours putting up thousands of Christmas lights...in joyful anticipation of our family's oooh's and ahhh's, only to have a complete meltdown when they don't work!! We begin kicking, screaming & cursing...being cranky like an infant...not realizing that all our hard work has paid off...all we need do is turn on the switch!

So, our big "ball of anticipation" keeps unraveling...while we are "holding it together" the whole time like the Little Engine that Could, saying "I think I can, I think I can!". But eventually, their comes a point where the "Christmas bonus" we were anticipating...that would have made all the stress worth it, turns into a membership in the Jelly of the Month Club...and there is no money to put in our glorious built in swimming pool...which was the "big one" that would've made this whole mess worth it. We through a wall eye'd fit, destroying things in the process, taking in huge gulps of egg nog or some other comforting drink, while we're cursing and swearing and yelling about how we REALLY want to give someone a piece of our mind. (!!!). Every once in a while, someone close to us says "May I remind you that this was all your idea?". The answer is: " No, no...I'm well aware of that!"

Now of course, this is a fictional scenario...and blown way out of proportion. But this is my point. When something goes beyond our control and we can't cope with it or fix it, we might even feel this way on the inside...and no one sees it because we keep it under wraps. We know we can't REALLY behave like this, but inside, something is just making us nuts! When the meltdown comes, it's because we can no longer keep our feelings at bay. Often, we feel stupid because we have somehow caused, we think...whatever has gone wrong. But often, just like Clark...we do not admit this...we think we are just doing what needs to be done in order to solve a problem...and that if we had not been required to change any of our plans...then we would be just fine. Real life, so often just does not work this way however. Things happen, don't they? We have to make unexpected transitions, whether major or minor. I'm really trying to figure how I can make it easier to just roll with it in real, normal everyday life...not the movie "Christmas Vacation.". I'll have to see how it goes...but in the meantime, I need a lot of mercy from those around me! (Goodness!). I suppose, when you have to work hard to take it easy, something needs work. But sometimes when we feel as though maybe everyone should just "go home before things get worse...". Well, you get the idea. :))

Ten Things I'd say to an Aspie Female...

Duh?? But I thought...

Just saw a post dealing with ten things someone would say to a woman/girl with AS if they were her therapist. I was intrigued, until I realized that each one was at least two paragraphs long...and very very deep. Look, I don't know whether my attention span literally has become shorter from being online all the time, but there was no way I could read it all...too heavy. However, I did get the idea to make up my own list. So, short and sweet, here it is:

Ten Things I'd Say to an Aspie Female if I Were Her Therapist:

1. Crying is okay here.
2. You can look at the floor when you need to.
(when I ask if you understand what I mean, just nod so I know)
3. Stimming is okay. I won't mind if you rock back & forth, tap your foot, or play with your hair.
4. Pillows and comfy things are okay. Bring something to hold, squeeze, or stroke
If you like...a Teddy bear, a pillow, a ball, a ribbon.
5. I won't be offended if you show up in your PJ's
(as long as they cover everything that they should.) :)
6. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't or should not have kids (if you want them.)
7. You can do it! You can do it! You can do it!
8. Everyone has the right to make an ass out of themselves,
you can't let the world judge you too much.
9. Make it a point to allow your parents to BE your parents.
Respect them, even when you don't feel they've respected you.
10. Sit back, enjoy the ride, and if you go easy on yourself you can go easy on others too.
Don't assume that you "can't"...always believe that you can...and just keep walking.
Find a safe place to go crazy when you need to...and then keep walking.

And there you have it. No doubt I could add more, but I think this about sums it up. :)

Asperger's Syndrome: What's Going on Anyway? (Seven Simple Definitions)

Duh?? But I thought...

Was on Facebook just now, and saw yet another post attempting to explain Asperger's Syndrome, or AS to those who do not have it. I am so convinced now that those with AS need help navigating through the world at large out there as well, rather than only trying to teach those who do not have AS to understand those who have it. But that's another story for another day...

Anyway, when attempting to explain AS to someone, we seem to make it so difficult a lot of the time. The proverbial "web" of strange, "treatment center jargon" sounding terms by itself can be hard to make sense out of for sure..."discalculia"(???)
So, here I am again, attempting to clear the air.

Note: I am not a doctor. What is written here is only my opinion.

1. Autism. It means "one" as in the word "automobile."
Autistics gravitate inward, and do their own thing.

2. Asperger's Syndrome. It's a type of Autism that simply bears the last name of the man who discovered it.
It has a soft "g" as in "general".
In my opinion, it's best to pronounce it with emphasis on the PER rather than the AS, to prevent saying
"Ass-perger's Syndrome"
Think: asBERjer's Syndrome, and you got it.
It is often called "A.S." for short.
People with AS often refer to themselves as "Aspies".

3. Boys and Girls. Girls often hide it better, so they are simply not diagnosed as much as boys are.
AS is basically Autism without the speech delay, and learning disabilities that can accompany it.
But AS has it's own symptoms and characteristics, many of which mirror Autism.
I've found that general lists of symptoms for AS, are symptoms in boys.
Make sure you look specifically at AS symptoms in girls, when dealing with how it affects females.
(Otherwise symptoms may not match).

4. Neuro-Typical's. Neuro-Typical's are simply people who do not have AS or Autism. In other words, their
brains are wired in the "typical" way.
Neuro-Typical's are often called "NT's" for short.

5. "Discalculia". In my opinion, this is a crazy term that literally sounds made up.
Put simply, it means: Trouble calculating numbers.
I'll explain like this...when we work with numbers or information involving numbers, it's as though our
brains have to "switch channels" and often, our math channel is "scrambled"
if you will.
Have you ever heard someone say: "My mind doesn't work this way" when
they're dealing with math? Yeah, it's like that.
Mind you, this is not to say that AS is always involved there. :)

6. Meltdowns. Meltdown's are overload's of information that cause us to act out because of too much stimuli.
Often, meltdowns are when we become irritable, and unreasonable, and need "alone" time.

7. Stimuli. Anything around us that stimulates our senses: Light, sound, smells, textures, tastes in our mouth.
Trouble processing all of this is what's called "Sensory Processing Disorder."
Simply put, this means: It's all too much, I can't take anymore right now.
Imagine a hose that gets a kink in it. The water is on full blast, but has slowed to
a trickle, while the pressure builds inside. When the kink comes out, the water gushes, full blast (!!!)
To me, this is what overload feels like.
This often leads to meltdowns.