A Life of Steps

I am now seriously wondering whether alcoholism could possibly be an after-affect (if you will) to AS. As mentioned before, I do not know whether I have AS or not...I would like to be tested to see. But in reading about AS and researching it, I'm fining a lot of traits associated with this condition have been present in me, also in several family members. A few of these members were (and are) alcoholics. Now, again...I'm no doctor & am not qualified to diagnose anything. But it seems to me that the severe ups and down's that can come with AS, coupled with the nervousness and isolation could lead to anxiety and depression. This, coupled with the irritability one can go through from fighting a looming sense of dread, can lead people to search for some sort of relief...something to calm them down...wouldn't you think? Anyway...thinking back to when I was a kid... Those around me who were alcoholics were, for some reason, even more irritable & short-tempered when they were not under the influence than when they were. This always puzzled me because I could never figure out what had set them off in the first place. If someone were "drunk" than I KNEW that they were completely unbearable because the alcohol had taken them over. But what about all the times when this was NOT the case? In an alcoholic's world, they become unbearable and then need the anesthesia of the alcohol to calm down. In a sober family member's world, the alcoholic becomes unbearable when they're drunk. (At least when this person is sober, there are some wonderful moments). But this brings me back to my original point: what about all the times that an alcoholic has alcoholic behavior... But no alcohol? Now, don't get me wrong, this pattern can be attributed to many things. Alcoholism is psychological, but it's also learned behavior. Oftentimes, when an alcoholic is sober, their true colors show. It's during these times that we remember what wonderful people they are...but often, both we and they are remind why they drink in the first place. (then WE need a drink, yeah?). Anyway, to examine it further, I'm just going to tie alcoholism in with traits of alcoholism as best I can. The alcoholics I've known all seemed to have the following in common: An obsession with (seemingly) trivial things. A continual need to verbalize everything in obsessive ways. A tendency to lash out at a loss of control over some ritual or pattern. A phenomenal memory and a desire to converse about deep subject most others seem uninterested in. A frustrating pattern of "Patterns": Explaining the same thing again & again; asking the same question over & over; a need for mundane things to be done the way every time. Frequently checking others behaviors for consistency. An over-all suspicion of others motives; and a general belief that others have "got it in" for them. Some sort of highly developed artistic ability and very sensitive hearing. (??) Seemingly easily paranoid (generally). Sudden intense anger or emotional reaction to seemingly little things. Little or no acknowledgement that anyone else has been hurt by their actions. A general inability to apologize or show empathy, followed by a demand that people forgive & forget. Bringing every conversation back to themselves & how they are affected by life, no matter who or what is being talked about. All of these are distinct traits that I have noticed in those around me who are/were alcoholics. How many of these generally apply to those who deal with AS? Now, I realize, we must also keep in mind that AS affects women differently than men. I am certainly not saying that all people who have AS are alcoholics, or vice versa. But I wanted to examine this because as a child, I remember having this profound need to understand why certain people around me were so terribly irrational and angry. I reasoned that it was the drinking... But what MADE them drink? What made them soooo in need of some sort of an escape? Why did they seem to be so controlling and rigid when it came to the behavior of others? Even after being in program for sometime, I reasoned it was purely the alcohol that was to blame for these behaviors, and my willingness to look at underlying causes seemed seared or burned by the alcoholic's lack of empathy or understanding. I would then reason that the alcoholic simply cared more about his addiction than about me or how I felt. But what CAUSED all this? I spent many hours trying to figure this out... Child abuse? Possibly. Low self esteem? For sure, but what caused the low self esteem? Anyway, even with all of this, there was one major thing that I could never get my head around... Why was there seemingly an inability to even admit that there was ever any wrong doing? I mean, people can go through horrendous personal circumstances and still be able to admit wrong-doings. I would just chalk it up to the alcohol clouding judgement and making this person irrational, but again, what about all the times that they were perfectly sober? I've heard many a debate on whether alcoholism is genetic. I personally don't believe that alcoholism is genetic... But I think it's possible that AS might be. An over-riding irony in all this, is that the recovery process involves a systematic series of steps... 12 of them. These are steps that truly did "restore" me to sanity when I was a teenager, and even today. I thank God for this "program" which has quite literally helped me manage myself... Step by step. But how much more of an affect would a 12 step program have on a person with AS who most likely would feel much more secure with a program or method to help ease their tension and help their anxiety. This is very intriguing to me! And when you consider that the 12 steps of treatment don't have to be limited to the abuse of alcohol... can they help someone with AS to curb their anxiety or tension? Is it possible that AS could be a major underlying, maybe even unknown factor in those who struggle with alcoholism? I have never found any written material on this. But since Both alcoholism and AS run in families, and since I'm questioning whether or not I am an Aspie... Well, you do the math. :) :)