Steps

I was just reading part of a FB post that was dealing with being able to think positive. The post was aimed at women with AS. One of the first things it said, was: "Stay away from 'all or nothing' thinking."

I stopped right there.

I believe that this may be, one of the biggest obstacles for both guys and girls with AS or high functioning Autism. This got me to thinking about some ways that I could maybe "train my brain" to take smaller steps, and help to curb the feeling of dread that can cause the "fatalistic" thought patterns in the first place. Hmmmm... This is a toughy, because what I don't want is yet another mental "wrestling match" with my own negativity and panic, that just leaves me mentally exhausted (again). To me, there are few things that feel worse than growing negativity, coupled with a crippling guilt because you can't get rid of it.

But usually, the harder I try to keep the negative out... The more I fail at it, and the more exhausted I get. So, I got to thinking about a different way of thinking in the first place that hopefully, can quiet the inside, and help me to stay in control and be calm.

So, I'm gonna go out on a limb here, and some of you may be shocked at what I'll suggest, but, to me... This makes perfect sense. And I can tell you that it does work, because I've used it in my own life. Some of this will sound rather trite, and maybe so simple you'll be temped to skip over it. But just try it... The only reason it doesn't always work for me is because I don't always let it. Yep, that's it!

Now, first, I had to be honest with myself.

Sometimes, I truly can't help what I'm going through, but sometimes I simply don't want the discomfort of not knowing why something is going on. Sometimes I'm simply don't want to be patient through something when I don't know the outcome, or when it isn't the outcome I want. Translation, sometimes it's simpler and easier to just think in a fatalistic way. Example: "I caused all this. It's my fault." The end. This is not true. It's also very hurtful to those around me. Most of the time, I don't REALLY believe this is even true. But the feeling of being out of control can be so strong that it seems simpler to give into it rather than do something about it. So in my particular case, the underlying issue is "I'm out of control, I can't help it. How can I be responsible for behaving like this.". Translation, I will often use my panic and irrational thinking to distance myself from personal responsibility or accountability.

This is not good... I'm sure you would agree! But for me, that personal honesty about me allowing myself to just give in to the fatalistic thinking to avoid responsibility is the biggest hurtle to get over, to change my own thinking and calm myself down. There's a fear of failure that comes with responsibility isn't there? If I actually have to do something, I might mess it up, right? Many times, I've read that people wish AS or high functioning Autism have a chronic fear of failure. I think the last thing any of us wants to do is avoid having a life, so that we avoid failing, right?

So, with that in mind I share this. Ready? The 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are designed to be a different way of thinking to help regain serenity for those whose lives are affected by the turmoil of alcoholism. Am I saying you are an alcoholic? No. Don't worry, I'm not. :). Am I saying you have alcoholics in you're family? Nope. Don't worry. The thing is, these "steps" can help someone living in fear or anxiety to regain their piece of mind, whether their life is affected by someone's drinking or not. I am not a doctor. What I'm saying is based on personal opinion and experience. These are not steps that one tries to cram into their head and memorize all at once, and think "Man, that's just too much to memorize.". It's not memorizing. It's more like stepping stones to thinking differently.

So, with that in mind I'm gonna go through the 12 steps, keeping them in tact, but removing all references to alcohol, specifically... And showing how these principles can work for anyone.

Some of this, you will not agree with.

I encourage you to simply, take what you like, and leave the rest.

1. We admitted we were powerless over (fill in the blank); that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God (as we understood) Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. We're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except, when to do so, would injure them, or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God (as we understood) him, praying only for the knowledge of his will for us, and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

As you can see, there's actually only one reference to alcohol in all 12 steps. It's in the first step, and I put parentheses.

Let me be clear in saying that we are NOT powerless over the choices WE make.

But we are powerless over the choices others make and the things that they do. We are powerless over most circumstances and most of the demands put on us in a day; powerless over others moods and temperaments. We're powerless over the things others say, but we as individuals are not powerless over how we react (or not) to our circumstances. Anyway, the sensitivity of temperament and fear of transitions or change that can come with having AS or Autism can sometimes leave us with a great deal of anxiety over unknowns and things that require transitions. I offer these steps as ways to maybe regain perspective. They do not have to be done in any order or in any time period. I for one, like to use them as a guide to put my thinking back in order when it becomes garbled or distorted.