Why Does That Have to Happen?

Sometimes I wish I could just live by myself and never have to worry about another person again as long as l lived. When somebody disrupts my thought process, I get distracted and I usually make stupid mistakes... At which time somebody else has to correct what I did, because I have no idea how to fix whatever went wrong. I hate that like something I can't explain. It makes me feel useless and stupid. When I'm by myself, I can think things through and there's nobody there to disrupt my thought process, so even if I make a mistake I can catch it right away... No problem. When there are too many things going on around me I can't concentrate. People ask me questions about things in order to prevent the wrong thing from happening and.mistakes get made. Couple that with a need to prove to people how capable you are about things... And what you have is a giant mess. A mess that nobody else thinks is a mess because they just get over it right away like nothing happened. It does no good to try and tell people how bad I feel. They don't think it's that big a deal anyway. I am alone in this. I have to find something to do with this horrible, sinking... I just wanna cry sorta feeling. I have no idea what to do. There's no place that I can go and work it out.. I've just gotta act like Nothing's wrong. I hate it. I just fucking hate it. I wonder where everybody else gets this magical ability to just recover from things and go on. I soooooo wish I had that! I don't understand what that's like. How can you even explain how bad something is, when everybody's trying to convince you it's not? Does all of this prove that I really do have AS? I wish I knew. I wish I had money to even be tested for it!!!!!! I can't handle just a suspicion of having it anymore. I need to know!!! What am I going to do?